guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
