Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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