so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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