he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
