We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
