perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
