I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
