I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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