She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize