The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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