they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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