I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I want her autograph on my taint
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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