Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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