Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
