Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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