did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
