When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
