I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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