you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
