someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
