Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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