so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
