Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
