i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
