we're blogging at a bar
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
