wakey wakey hands off snakey
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
