I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
