Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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