I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
