And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
