if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
