woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
