if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
