girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
