My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
