i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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