Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
