My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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