i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
