filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
