My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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