Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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