GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
