Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
