Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
