Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
