If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
