If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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