I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
