well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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