lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
