Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
