How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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