I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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