Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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