I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
