last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
