I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
