I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
