i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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