i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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