Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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