How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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