Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
