I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
organizing the empties. That sober.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize