I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
