Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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