Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
