So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize