i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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