Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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