I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
