we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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