What a fucking waste of an outfit
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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