Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it's like heaven, but drunker
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
