My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This can only be settled by a dance off.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
