I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
