The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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