you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
