my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
