I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
