if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
