My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
