you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
