can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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