Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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