Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
