ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
