You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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