hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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