i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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