hell yes lets make some ravioli
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
