I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
