...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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