I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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