Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
