the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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