In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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