nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
